Refusing to date someone because of their “femme voice” and other stereotypically feminine traits is not uncommon in the world of gay dating. This judgement can be extremely explicit: for example, a journalist in Louisiana bars reported multiple instances of masculine gay men calling femme gay men “pissy queens.” However, the judgement is more often hidden through microinsults. In fact, many gay men are quick to judge their effeminate peers. This idealization of a particular form of masculinity frequently results in the ostracization and subordination of more feminine acting, or femme, individuals. The gay male community has constantly grappled with and idealized the concept of masculinity. Thus, it becomes incredibly apparent that, for the sake of feminine and gay people of color and the larger LGBTQ+ community, this discrimination must stop. This practice of conditional inclusion has both tangible and intangible consequences that affect the physical well-being and self-image of many within the LGBTQ+ community.
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In reality, while often portrayed as an inclusive refuge, the gay male community still practices forms of exclusion, discrimination and racism. Ultimately, many individuals have had to learn the disheartening truth about the gay male community. So how do the same community members who preach and strive for love, unabashedly transcribe “ no fats, femmes, or Asians” on their dating profile pages? What happens to the values of inclusion and equality when they become contingent on being white, masculine or “fit?” Although widely unaddressed, these questions weigh heavy on the hearts of femme and gay people of color, as they seek to create a home in a community that hypocritically ostracizes them. As a group that has been outcasted and othered for centuries by heteronormative society, the gay community claims to create a sphere of absolute, unrestricted acceptance. In this community, love always wins – except when it doesn’t.Īn image of equality and inclusion generally accompanies the LGBTQ+ community, and rightly so. As a crowd of individuals walk proudly throughout the streets, a gay couple affectionately kiss against a backdrop of rainbow.